When my husband and I started dating, I couldn’t wait until Valentine’s Day. Although I had dated other guys before meeting him, the timing of my short lived relationships never fell during Valentine’s Day. For the first time, I was actually going to have a boyfriend to go out to dinner with, exchange little gifts and cards, and basically enjoy no longer being a bachelorette during the most romantic day of the year.
Growing up, my father was always staunchly against the “Hallmark Holiday” of Valentine’s Day. He didn’t need a corporation telling him when to buy candy or cards for his wife! My mother, on the other hand, expressed her wistfulness over missing out on the celebration by giving me a yearly card and small box of candies. I used to make her a Valentine’s Day card at school as a young child, and when I got older, I would buy her a card and small gift at the store. I swore that I would never date or marry a man who didn’t celebrate Valentine’s Day.
Imagine my displeasure when, as February rolled around, and I hinted to my boyfriend about how excited I was for the upcoming holiday, he said,
“Orthodox Jews don’t celebrate Valentine’s Day! It’s a Christian holiday!”
“What are you talking about?” I asked, with a sinking feeling.
“It’s called SAINT Valentine’s Day for a reason! Jews were murdered on that day, just like they were persecuted during Halloween pogroms!” recalling the conversation we had in October about Jews not celebrating Halloween.
Jews were killed on Valentine’s Day? The paper hearts were symbols of the real beating hearts ripped out of Jewish chests that Christian men gave to their sweethearts as tokens of their love? I was flabbergasted by this latest lesson in Jewish paranoia.
“Well, I don’t know if Jews were murdered, but it’s clearly a Christian holiday and Orthodox Jews don’t celebrate it.” he said.
“Well,” I sniffed, “My mother spends every Valentine’s Day without any recognition and I always promised myself that I would never date a man who was so inconsiderate!”
My boyfriend looked dumbfounded, unsure of how to respond.
“I could never marry a man who didn’t celebrate Valentine’s Day.” I continued, for emphasis.
We didn’t have anymore conversations about it, but clearly, things were going to come to a head on February 14th.
We had our regular date night scheduled for Valentine’s Day evening. I decided not to buy him a card or any kind of acknowledgement of Valentine’s Day. It was go time.
My boyfriend picked me up as usual in his beige Chrysler Lebaron with the ALF air freshener dangling off of the rear view mirror. It was a real chick magnet!
After getting in the car, we drove about a block or so before he pulled into the 7-11 parking lot.
“Slurpees in February?” I wondered.
Suddenly, he pulled a little box out of his pocket.
“This isn’t for Valentine’s Day,” he said. “I just felt like getting you a gift.”
I opened the box to find a heart shaped gold pendant necklace bedazzled with tiny white diamonds and rubies. It must have cost a small fortune for this poor medical school student.
For some reason, the gift really melted my heart, especially knowing his moral opposition to the holiday. I knew he must really love me.
Although we haven’t officially celebrated Valentine’s Day since that time, for some reason it never mattered after that night. I knew that he loved me enough to cave in if it meant that much to me, and I loved him enough not to make him cave because of it.
Any other Orthodox Jews out there willing to share their Valentine’s Day experiences, opinions, secret celebrations?
