A book review of ‘Cut Me Loose: Sin and Salvation After My Ultra-Orthodox Girlhood,’ by Leah Vincent.
The internet has been buzzing for quite some time about Leah Vincent’s recently released memoir. Born into a Yeshivish Orthodox community, her book chronicles her journey from her beginnings as a religious rabbi’s daughter to a secular Harvard graduate. The road to Ms. Vincent’s salvation was a bumpy one, summarized by the The Wall Street Journal in these words:
“At age 15, Leah Vincent was preparing for marriage. At 16, she wrote forbidden letters to a male friend questioning her ultraorthodox Jewish faith. At 17, she was banished by her parents and left to fend for herself in New York City. By 19, Ms. Vincent had overdosed, swallowing a half-bottle of aspirin after mutilating herself with a rusty razor. And by 21 she had tried to establish herself as a Craigslist prostitute.”
The book chronicles Ms. Vincent’s shocking and often heartbreaking story of survival that some religious readers might find off putting. However, this unflinching revelation of her truth is what makes her book so raw and courageous.
With the rash of ex-Orthodox memoires being published, it has become de rigueur for naysayers to refute negative claims made against the frum families or communities castigated. A few months ago I wrote a post about an interview with Leah Vincent on the Katie Couric show. Since Ms. Vincent’s book release, that post has been getting renewed activity, and a debate of sorts has been taking place in the comments over the validity of the claims in her book.
Before reading Ms. Vincent’s book, I was curious about her version of events or if there was another side to her story. After reading the book, I no longer feel the need to know. Of course, her family and their supporters will see things differently. That’s not really the point. To me, the important thing is that this is how Ms. Vincent experienced her life. This book is about her perceptions and truths; no one else’s. That doesn’t mean her family didn’t experience their own pain and struggles in their relationship with her, it just means that this book is Ms. Vincent’s platform to share her struggles. It’s not about anyone else.
The main lesson I walked away with is that every person needs to be their own savior. There is no gallant knight riding in on his noble steed to save us. In Elle Magazine, Ms. Vincent says,
“I think the idea is still in my brain today…” Vincent observed, “I think it’s in a lot of women’s brains—that the men in their lives can save them on some level. But now I have a much larger idea that lives alongside that one, that I can save myself and that I have saved myself.”
The lesson may seem obvious, but it really isn’t. For many women, it is deeply ingrained into our psyche that our success or failure rests with finding a good man. Even in the secular world, this is an unspoken truth. Our lives are not fully complete unless we achieve that ultimate validation – a man willing to commit and link his life with our own. How much more so in the religious world where men are the ultimate authorities? Where marriage and motherhood are the essence of a woman’s purpose?
This type of adoration, devotion, and blind trust can have disastrous consequences when directed towards the wrong men. The wrong men don’t only come from the secular world. Time and time again, Ms. Vincent put her trust and hopes for the future in the wrong men. Arguably, one might argue that it all began with putting trust in her father – trust that he would show her unconditional and uncompromising love. Trust that he would make parenting decisions based on the bond they shared and not on the advice of third party rabbis. The abandonment she experienced from her family had a strong impact on the relationships she chose to engage in following her estrangement.
After reading her book, I don’t need to verify facts and versions of Ms. Vincent’s story. Nor do I need to sit in righteous judgment of her actions or those of her parents. For me, this book isn’t about taking sides or corroborating evidence. This book is about triumphing over mistakes, not letting our past determine our future, and having confidence that we can ultimately be our own heroes.
"This book is about…having confidence that we can ultimately be our own heroes." #CutMeLoose reviewby @kolbishaerva http://t.co/wlnUeWqs3D
— Leah Vincent (@EhyehLeah) January 26, 2014
