A commenter recently asked me if I still had the same positive opinion about single sex education as I did in my 2007 post, Girls Take to the Stage. The answer is yes. Something strange happens to girls sometime during middle school. They go from being unselfconscious and unafraid to speak out among their classmates and teachers, to being more guarded and sometimes reluctant in their participation. This phenomenon has been documented in studies that show that co-educational schools can be bad for girls.
As a product of a coed public school system myself, I can see the pros and cons. Once I hit junior high age and boys were on the radar, there was a definite shift in the behavior of me and my fellow female classmates. Appearances and image became more important. We spoke and carried ourselves much differently after school with just us girls than we did when we were around the boys. It seemed we could be our real selves together, but had to be the socially acceptable version of ourselves (however we interpreted that) in front of the boys.
By the time senior year of high school rolled around, most of us were comfortable enough in our own skins to be the brain, or the nerd, or the drama geek, or the goth artist, or whoever we wanted to be, despite the fact that those personas might not have attracted a lot of guys (or at least not the hunky ones). This level of comfort came with time and exposure to boys, something that an all girl’s school environment can’t provide. However, it’s a bumpy road to achieve self acceptance, and sometimes that journey is more efficiently undertaken at 20 than at 12.
That being said, my daughter faces constraints that would make a foray into a coed school more daunting. Because I didn’t grow up religious, I was able to pursue my interests regardless of tznius restrictions or kol isha prohibitions. Not having restraints had its problems too, but for the purpose of this argument, I am saying that I had certain liberties that my daughter does not have because of these restrictions.
I went to a fine arts high school and majored in drama. I was also a part of the school girl’s choir which performed in front of mixed audiences. I shared the stage with boys and even had my first lengthy kiss during a play (once I stopped giggling). I wasn’t limited in the kinds of activities I could do in the presence of boys. Of course, I was limited by the psychological barrier most girls have to modify their behavior in order to be appealing to boys. Trying to play a role in which you are unsure of the desired expectation is difficult to master.
As an orthodox girl, I feel that it is more liberating for my daughter to be in a school where girls don’t have to worry that they come off as too smart (last week the Aish HaTorah site published 5 ways to turn off a guy that they promptly pulled down – as one of the tips was not showing off how smart you are!). Girls don’t have to feel self conscious about raising their hand and participating in class for fear they will give the wrong answer either. Girls can sing and dance in the hallways if they choose to do so – there are no boys around to limit their voices. I am also glad that my daughter is not subject to the kind of jealousy and cat fighting that often happens among girls who are vying for boys’ attention. It’s always a positive when teenage girls have one less thing to fight about.
This might be a simplistic conclusion, but single sex education seems to be working for my daughter so far.
I had the opportunity to attend two girls’ play productions this week. One was done by a local Bais Yaakov high school, where my friend was the director. The other was a 2nd grade girls Purim play at my daughter’s day school. It was interesting to see the similarities between the high school girls and the 2nd graders. Obviously there was a vast difference in maturity and skill level, but what I saw was girls given a chance to shine in the spotlight and rising to the occasion.
I might not agree with all aspects of the day school system mentality, but one thing I really agree with is separate sex education. I am not worried about boys and girls mingling in nursery or kindergarten. In my children’s school, they separate boys and girls in 1st grade. I would be ok with mixed classes up through 3rd grade, actually, but I don’t make the rules. However, in my experience as a public schooler, starting in 4th was when the “boyfriend/girlfriend” business started. Obviously, it was all pretty innocent, and consisted of little notes being passed about with the question “Do you like me?” and ticking off a box for yes or no. If it was no, that was that. If it was yes, then more note passing, perhaps some drawings of hearts or flowers added in, and maybe a present in the form of candy, a bubble gum machine ring or friendship bracelet.
However, that’s when it starts for girls. Is your worth based on academic achievement, the number of friends you have, or the number of boys who like you? With the last element comes the aspect of looks, weight, clothing (a.k.a. money), makeup, and hair – all the things a grammar school girl really shouldn’t have to worry about nor, in my opinion, should a high school girl have to worry about. These school years should be spent developing a sense of self apart from what boys think or expect of girls. Girls shouldn’t feel necessary to apply a new coat of makeup or hair product between each class period. Believe me, my high school homeroom looked more like the makeup counter at Elizabeth Arden than a classroom.
Were these Broadway caliber productions? No. But each girl had a chance to shine in her own way. The high school show really put the spotlight on all the various talents of the cast – dance, singing, rollerblading, gymnastics, comedy – not to mention the artistic showcasing of the sets, costumes, makeup – the business development skills of the marketing, advertising, billing teams. In the grammar school play, my daughter and her friends talked of little else these past few weeks as they rehearsed and prepared their parts. In the days before the show, my daughter kept asking if I was getting excited to see her play. She would laugh as she talked about funny things that happened during the rehearsals.
It means so much for girls to have a place where their voices, creativity and talent can be seen and heard. In an all girls school – they have a chance to express themselves without worrying about impressing boys or making a fool out of themselves in front of them. They can be who they are – and that means trying on different roles until you find those that fit and feel comfortable. All-female day schools give them the opportunity to do just that.
