Photo from The Gawker: Are Spanx Good or Evil?
Shapewear has had a long and illustrious history. From the girdle, to the corset, to the 21st century invention of Spanx, people have enjoyed the illusion of instant size reduction that these undergarments provide.
Like many women, I am no stranger to Spanx. Often, when trying on a dress and trying to decide between two sizes, I will account for the “Spanx Differential” in choosing – meaning, the smaller size is tighter in the dressing room because I am sans Spanx, but with Spanx, it will fit perfectly! Thus, the smaller size is usually purchased.
A short while ago, I was wearing one of my “Spanx Differential” dresses to shul on Shabbos. After lunch, I changed out of the dress to catch a few hours of Sabbath z’s. Later that day I needed to get dressed again for a sholosh seudos at someone else’s home. The thought of wedging myself back into an undergarment requiring the Jaws of Life to remove, and for the second time that day, was more than I could bear. I decided to try the dress Spanxless.
To my surprise, the dress fit no differently than when I had the Spanx on earlier that day. Was the “Spanx Differential” all in my head? Did wearing the tight undergarment make me feel compressed as a stuffed sausage, but in reality, make no practical difference in the fit of my clothing or my appearance? Was my only benefit from Spanx shortness of breath and bathroom visits requiring the skills of Houdini?
If the marketing team over at Spanx headquarters could trick me into spending $30+ dollars on a flesh toned torture device that most women hide in the far recesses of their wardrobe, wear in secret (the only exception being those enlisted to assist in hoisting said undergarment over an uncooperative backside – afterwards being sworn to secrecy under threat of violence), and usually lie about if a sudden breeze exposes a flash of beige polyester (apparently Lululemon makes a line of very form fitting yoga shorts that are all the rage to wear under skirts), what other Spanx Psychology have I been fooling myself with?
The Spanx delusion is not that I actually appear just as thin with or without Spanx, but rather, that I actually appear just as thick with or without Spanx. However, the financial cost and the physical discomfort suffered, tricks my mind into believing that this miracle garment instantly tucks ten pounds off of my frame and into my spleen for safekeeping with the snap of a waistband. The reality is that I’m the only one being fooled. Lest any men guffaw at women’s gullibility, Spanx has a successful line of men’s shapewear called, Manx. Obviously Spanx Psychology transcends gender.
So, what’s bothering Rashi? (Bet you never thought you’d see Rashi and Spanx in the same article!) In Parshas Vayechi, we are told about Yaakov’s last will and testament to his children on his deathbed. After Yaakov died, Yosef’s brothers feared that he would seek revenge for selling him into slavery, and destroy the peace that had been reestablished among the family. They decided to lie to Yosef and tell him that their father commanded him to forgive his brother’s transgressions, and Yosef wept as they spoke and complied with the command.
Rashi’s problem is wondering whether the brothers were being self-serving in their lie. Although shalom bayis is of utmost importance, and lying to avoid strife and achieve peace is permissible under some circumstances, it’s usually understood that such fabrications are permissible when they benefit others and not ourselves. If someone uses the excuse that they are telling a lie to preserve their own peace, all criminals can justify lying to protect themselves from strife. How can someone tell if they or someone else is telling a lie for selfless or selfish motives?
In the case of Yosef’s brothers, they had already proven their sincere regret and commitment to change by admitting their guilt, fighting for their brother Binyamin, and offering to sacrifice themselves in Binyamin’s place. Their teshuvah and subsequent change in behavior and attitude proved that they were sincere in wanting to preserve family peace, and not telling the lie simply to save their own skins.
Avignor Bonchek surmises that Yaakov, his gift of prophesy restored upon finding out that Yosef was alive, knew of the brother’s transgressions against Yosef, and also that Yosef wouldn’t seek revenge against his brothers after Yaakov’s death. Consequently, he didn’t feel the need to command that Yosef not take revenge. The brothers were without Yaakov’s prophetic insight, as such, although their motives were pure, they felt the need to fabricate their story for assurance.
I suppose the connection I’ve made between Spanx and Rashi’s problem is in realizing when we are lying to others, when we are lying to ourselves, and determining when a falsehood might be the more selfless route to travel. In the scheme of things, no one is getting hurt by the deception of wearing Spanx, other than possibly the wearer. Those of us with weight loss goals might be tricked into thinking that extra piece of cake can smoothed away by shapewear, until the mirror reveals the bitter truth – Spanx can’t outperform a bad diet.
How can we be our authentic selves, whether in dress or behavior, when we are sometimes dishonest in how we present ourselves the world?
Whether slimming undergarments, a toupee, hair dye, plastic surgery, a sheitel, or a long beard and peyos – all of these things and more can be used to try to appeal to societal standards of attractiveness, membership in a group, or achieving shalom bayis. How can a person achieve a level of self-awareness to honestly assess if their white lies are told for selfish or selfless purposes? How can a person know when they aren’t fooling anyone, but only lying to themselves with their Spanx Psychology? Perhaps Yosef’s brothers can provide a litmus test for considering when to risk sacrificing peace for the sake of being truthful, and when to keep wearing Spanx.
