This is the final installment of my interview with Rabbi Shlomo Kay. Here are the links to Parts I and II. I want to thank Shlomo for his insights, his time, and his editing skills. My eyes have been opened ever wider to the possibility that as a whole, different Jewish factions are more similar than perhaps we would care to admit.
At the end of the last interview, Shlomo shared a treatise he created to clarify his philosophy on being a charedi Jew.
The 13 Principles of My (Charedi) Religion
1. Don’t lie to your children. Ever.
Example: Don’t tell your children the immunizations won’t hurt. Don’t tell stories of tzadikkim that are bogus. Don’t tell them the Rebbe is a tzadik if he is a corrupt gangster.
2. Be kind. To everyone. Yes, even to goyim and kofrim. And not just to make a kiddush hashem.
3. To thyself be truthful. If there’s a religious tenet that seems fantastic, find a convincing reason that you should believe it. Tradition is an acceptable reason-provided it is well documented. If you can’t find a convincing reason, discard that tenet.
4. Do not give credence to xenophobia (including toward charedi societies). Societies are similar to each other more than they are different. And, your group isn’t exactly perfect either.
5. An ancient cultural norm is not automatically a religious principle.
6. Pursuit of happiness is a right, but it does not trump any other right. No, you don’t have the right to ruin the lives of others even in order to make yours bearable.
7. Understand that faith is a difficult challenge as well as a great achievement. Your job is to explain why you believe, not why someone else doesn’t. Don’t assume everyone has the capacity to believe.
8. Do not fault individuals for their corrupt leaders. Power corrupts, and many leaders are rotten. And there isn’t a blessed thing anyone can do about it.
9. Do not trust any religious leader who heads a political party. Politics destroys all souls. Political operatives always create an airtight environment around a gadol so that he lives in an alternate reality.
10. Do not fear change. Not everything that’s old is good. The preceding generations weren’t always smart and perfect.
11. Do not automatically embrace change. Not everything that’s old is bad. The preceding generations weren’t stupid.
12. Do not impose your value system on other cultures. Most of your value system and set of beliefs is the product of cultural norms.
13. Be compassionate to all. Even to those who don’t adhere to these very principles.
For some reason, these principles bring tears to my eyes. I suppose it’s because I wouldn’t assume that anyone other than a more modern rabbi would write them. Can it be that a man, who has spent his entire life in insular chasidic and yeshivish Israeli and New York communities, could have the compassion and depth to write something so…grounded? Is it possible that someone who has spent years with his head in the spiritual clouds could still be so rooted to the earth? Yet, here is this document of faith that stresses each Jew’s responsibility to themselves and to others. A document that tells people not to believe based on blind faith, but also on thoughtful analysis. Here is a charedi rabbi who is proposing compassionate treatment toward Jews of every stripe, non Jews, and even non believing Jews.
I asked Shlomo how he thinks people from his yeshivish community would respond to his 13 principles.
“I don’t think I’d get flack for it, if it weren’t for the confrontational tone. I think that I could best affect people’s attitudes if I were to drop these ideas one at a time. These are not revolutionary ideas. Most people, if they are not put to them in a confrontational manner, most people can find it within their hearts to (know these principles to) be true. (I think it would be) more useful to discuss them in a quiet manner as the (individual questions) come out. ”
I asked why Shlomo tweets under a pseudonym.
“l tweet under a pseudonym because rabbis or klei kodesh professionals have a different level of expectations (than lay people).”
I asked if he had other rabbi friends who he could talk to honestly about his philosophies.
“Yes. If you strip away some of the myths they are taught, most people will agree.”
“I don’t know that I am liberal. My politics are somewhat progressive, but I do want people to connect more with their compassionate side, even if they are not liberal. Rav Ovadia Yosef was not a liberal, but was a compassionate rav. Rav Moshe (Feinstein) was not a liberal by any definition, but he was a very compassionate rav. (There might be) differences between liberal and orthodox (rabbis), but we can all use a dose of compassion.”
Since Shlomo was being so accommodating, I decided to press my luck and ask him about his views on homosexuality in the orthodox world.
“I know someone who had approached his rabbi (about this issue). This man told his rebbe that his friend had come out of the closet to him. He wanted to know how to handle this friendship. The rabbi quoted the Ramban and told him that homosexual activity stems from being very hedonistic and that he should cut off ties.”
The man was disturbed by this psak, because this was a good friend.
“I told him that, first of all, most people he has contact with are just as hedonistic – they just don’t happen to be gay. Also, how can you say there is such no such thing as people being gay, just hedonistic? There is every kind of sexual inclination possible out there. How is that even plausible? Certainly, for the (sake of the) person he should continue the friendship and be compassionate towards him and not cut off ties. (This is a) perfect example of basic humanity, wherever you stand on the issue in terms of religion.”
Based on a discussion that developed on one of my posts, I asked Shlomo his feelings on allowing children of same sex couples into Jewish day schools.
“Even heterosexual couples, who are overt about their sexuality, (could be a problem). The children of many yeshivas are from sheltered homes where sexuality is not open for discussion and parents who are open (about sexuality) no matter (if they are) heterosexual could pose a problem. The parent’s sexual inclination in itself should not be an issue.”
Summing up his thoughts for this interview, Shlomo went on to say,
“These things are cyclical – the financial strain (of the kollel system will result in) people coming back to their senses. (They will realize) that it’s not possible. There’s a Sefer Meshech Chochma from Rav Meir Simcha of Dvinsk who died in 1926, before Hitler rose to power. (Rav Meir Simcha outlines a) model of Jewish history that when kids can’t improve on their parents (generation), they are bound to leave, at which point there is a major upheaval. (After the destruction) we can then start improving and improving, until (once again) we can no longer improve, and then it (society) will be destroyed and start again. The historical model is pretty compelling.”
“The Arab Spring was not based on democracy but economic issues. Every societal upheaval results from economic hardships. The struggle for parnassah is always a catalyst for change. If people are smart, if their child is not inclined to stay in yeshiva, (they will) send him to college and (allow the child to) remain close and remain in the fold. If they don’t they (their child) will go farther to the left. I don’t see that it’s avoidable.”
