There have been a number of recent pleas to the Jewish women of the orthodox community to tighten up their observance of tznius. The exhortations range from the sublime to the ridiculous. In every instance, the message is the same. Women are causing men to sin by their provocative way of dress. The point to keep in mind, is that the audience receiving this rebuke, are the very women who make efforts to dress according to the mandates of halacha.
To give an example of the sublime, a Lubavitch blogger, Pop Chassid, wrote a heartfelt appeal to women for modesty. His post sparked outrage among women of the frum community who strive daily to downplay every possible physical attribute a Jewish man might find alluring. His premise was that as a man, he had natural evil/lustful inclinations that he wanted to abolish. If only the women in his community would dress according to halacha, overcoming his natural tendencies to be a pervert would be so much easier.
To be fair, Pop Chassid really seemed to be asking for help (hey, summertime in the city is tough on a guy!), but that in no way excuses the fact that he puts the onus on women to help him behave. He got so much flack for his post that he even wrote another one defiantly explaining, “Why I Don’t Regret My Latest Post.” If you’re wondering why I haven’t linked to his original plea for modesty – apparently he did ultimately regret it, since it’s been removed from his website! (ETA – Pop Chassid just tweeted me that he will be putting it back up soon IYH. He took it down because he felt he was the victim of a feminist witch hunt).
Now onto the ridiculous. Last week there was an article in the 5 Towns Jewish Times by Rabbi Yair Hoffman, entitled, The Gym, the Carpool, and Tzniyus. Apparently, Rabbi Hoffman makes a habit of standing in the carpool lane during school drop off and looking at women’s legs. He is upset at the current trend of women dressing to go to the gym directly after their carpool stop. He is dismayed at the proliferation of leggings he sees on the yiddishe mammelehs dropping their kinderlach off at school in the morning. Don’t they know that leggings are not tznius, even under a skirt? Aren’t they aware that leggings attract the male eye to the “polke region” and cause untold harm to the Jewish people? Additionally, women’s skirts often rise above the kneecaps, which is never permitted, even if said kneecaps are covered by leggings. If women must wear leggings (in an all women’s gym, of course), then they must wear appropriate clothing to carpool, and change in the privacy of an all female facility for the purposes of exercise.
I did write a comment on the article, which not surprisingly, got moderated and wasn’t published. It went something like this – If only you were as vigilant about the mitzvah of Shmiras Einayim (guarding your eyes) as you are about intricacies of women’s clothing the world would be a better place. Exercise is normal and healthy, and to ask a harried mother to bring a change of clothing with her each morning, when she is already dressed tznius is ridiculous. Leggings are no different than pantyhose worn under skirts, in fact they are even more modest because they are opaque and not sheer. This is a foolish argument,and only proves your own perversions, rather than the laxity of women on the mitzva of tznius. Stop picking on women! (ETA – Rabbi Hoffman wrote to me to say that his aricle was not based on personal observation, but from the concerns of bais yaakov mothers in his community – read the full story here – as such, I retract my initial opinion of his behavior, which was based on his writing from a first hand observation perspective).
Another recent doozy on tznius, and how women are causing physical harm to those around them by their lax observance, occurred in a publication called “The Voice of Lakewood.” The first letter to the editor blames the recent spate of local car accidents on men leering out of their car windows at frum women wearing tight fitting clothing. The writer is a woman whose husband suffers horribly because of the untznius women in the community. It’s gotten so bad that he can’t even go to the grocery store anymore! I hope they’ve got good insurance. She accuses recalcitrant women, “That person that got hurt or died—it might have been because of you.”
Another Voice of Lakewood article espouses the belief that women are forbidden to wear sheitels (wigs) below their shoulders. An appalled father bemoans a conversation he had with his young daughter, “Tatty,” she began, “If it’s true that ladies are not supposed to wear sheitels longer than their shoulders, then how come my teacher does?” I hope this teacher either has a good sheitel macher or a good excuse for Olam Ha’Emes (the world of truth/the afterlife), as this father suggests! Who makes up these random rules, and must they apply even to those who follow a different rabbi? Remember, these are married women who are already covering their hair to comply with tznius standards!
Another Voice of Lakewood letter is from a horrified mother who sees young girls running around in too-short knee socks, so that the skin between the sock and the skirt hem shows when they sit, run, or jump. She relays her shock upon seeing photos of a 2nd grade girls summer camp, in which every girl sitting on a couch had skin showing between their skirt and socks.
This Voice of Lakewood tidbit, exhorts mothers of cheder boys to not dress up or wear perfume when coming to meet the rebbe during parent teacher conferences. The writer is himself a Lakewood rebbe, who apparently has a hard time controlling himself around mothers all dolled up as if they are going to a wedding. In fact, he wonders why we can’t just trust the fathers to go and bring back the school report? Why do women have to be involved in their son’s education at all?
It may seem silly that I am talking about attitudes happening in Crown Heights, or 5 Towns, or Lakewood, NJ, when I live in Chicago. What should it matter to me if the Lakewood community wants to take these stringencies upon themselves, even to the point of considering them halachic obligations? I argue it matters because in Chicago, Lakewood is touted as being a holy community, something that we in Chicago should aspire to. There is a large contingency of Chicago transplants in Lakewood. So many, that a few years ago a letter was sent out to the Chicago community asking that Chicagoans give a large portion of their tzedaka to the holy city of Lakewood and their avreichim (elite scholars). The trickle down effect of chumras/psaks/societal norms from Israel, to NY/NJ, to the rest of American communities, can’t be denied. In a few years, I really don’t want my kids’ parent-teacher conferences to look like the upcoming Agudath Israel Midwest/Agudath Israel Illinois Conference – marketed as being a unifying event, with no women or children to be seen.
ETA – For more on this topic, read this interesting take by Rebbeca M. Ross, Women Assault Rabbis with Sights and Smells (And Other Interesting Tales from Lakewood)
