The more I read about the off the derech (OTD) community, the more I realize that the only folks who truly go off the derech are the ones who simply fade out to nothing. Those folks don’t go to Footsteps, they don’t write anonymous blogs about their angst, and they don’t belong to Facebook groups bragging about how they ate 5 forms of chazer at an all you can eat buffet in China Town, stopped off for a dime bag and a bottle of Henny in an alley behind Duane Reade, and scoured the Craigslist Casual Encounters ads on their mobile phone until they found a willing troupe of midgets from the Coney Island Circus Sideshow wanting to party.
The only people who are truly off the derech are the ones who have let everything go, including griping about the ills of the frum community. Don’t get me wrong, I think the frum community needs disillusioned OTD folks to bring to light problems within the community. Many formerly frum people have gone on to become activists fighting against abuse happening every day in the orthodox world. Many fight against the shockingly low standards of English education that are allowed and accepted in some ultra orthodox day schools. They fight for freedom of information; the right for ultra orthodox citizens to patronize public libraries and have access to books, radio, television, and current news. They’ve enlightened many of us on travesties that would otherwise go unnoticed and unadvertised if left to the devices of the Jewish orthodox community itself.
My problem isn’t that people go off the derech. I don’t believe in religious coercion. I don’t believe that every Jew needs to be orthodox to be a good person. As I have shared before, I didn’t grow up religious, and I was still raised with good values. I didn’t become religious to escape a horrific drug filled, sex crazed, and violent secular life. I became religious to enhance the good life I already had. For myself, if I were to go off the derech, I would literally go off onto my own life. If I chose to leave the community, I would leave without further engagement. The fact that I grapple with issues of concern about the frum world, speaks to the fact that I still care enough to grapple with them. If I decided to check out, these issues would no longer concern me.
Which is why I have to wonder if the OTD community is merely another religious/social movement in and of itself? From what I can gather from social media sites like Facebook and Twitter, people involved in the OTD movement (is movement an apropos term?) have certain expectations of their members. Some of the lesser expectations involve embracing values such as political liberalism, environmentalism, atheism, and the authority of science.
In addition to the OTDer’s new found secular enlightenment, a major expectation for group members is irreverence for their former way of life. This includes a general lack of respect for former rabbinic and community leaders who have wronged them. Another commonality is irreverence toward the formalized rituals they previously engaged in or language that they formerly used. For example, instead of using the term “Hakadosh Baruch Hu” (The holy one, blessed be He) one will often find the satirical use of, “Hakakosh Baruch Hu,” kokosh being a kind of cake often found in kosher bakeries and eaten on shabbos or festive occasions.
There was a recent story going around about the king of the OTDers, Ari Mandel, and his quest to raise money for his marathon run on behalf of Chai Lifeline. One of his Facebook followers offered to donate $1,000 to Ari’s cause if he would keep one Shabbos. Ari agreed, and his charitable cause is $1,000 richer. Many people found the humor in the situation, and actually thought it was quite a beautiful thing. However, there were those in the OTD community who felt that Mandel was selling out. As Ari Mandel has become an unofficial representative of the OTD community (he has been interviewed in print, radio, and television about his exodus from the Chassidic community), there were those who felt betrayed by his (albeit temporary) return to Shabbos observance.
To me, going off the derech means freeing yourself from the chains of the rigid communal rules and expectations of orthodoxy. How is the OTD movement any different from ultra orthodox Judaism at its core, if it becomes yet another society with rigid rules and expectations? Expectations, which, if they aren’t met, earn its members ridicule or shunning. It’s like the feminist movement that advocates for women to have the right to pursue any path they find meaningful, yet if a woman chooses a traditional path, they are ridiculed and labeled as oppressed. Again, I have no gripe against the off the derech community. I think it’s a healthy thing to form connections with other people who share similar experiences. My question is simply whether or not OTD folks are exchanging one religion for another?
