Yesterday I read two recent articles on hair covering for married Jewish orthodox women. One article brought up the age old criticism of women covering their hair with expensive wigs that make them look better than they did as single girls. The other article was from a Chabad perspective, and spoke at length about how the Lubvaitcher rebbe waged a campaign in post WWII America for married Jewish women to cover their hair with the most beautiful wigs they could find.
Indeed, the rebbe’s campaign was so successful, that today, it’s on every Lubavitch Jewish kallah’s (bride’s) to do list before the wedding to purchase at least 2 wigs – 1 for every day and 1 for Shabbos. The Chabad article also indicated that being a wig maker or wig stylist has exploded into a lucrative profession in Crown Heights and other areas around the country with high concentrations of orthodox Jews.
I believe that the rebbe’s influence was so powerful, that wigs have become just as popular in many orthodox non-Lubavitch communities as well. Most non-chassidish American haredi brides will also have sheitels on their pre-wedding shopping checklists, as well as many American right wing modern orthodox brides.
I have noticed that wigs create a large disparity in the appearance of married women. For the purpose of my argument, I’m making the assumption that every Jewish woman wants to look her best after getting married. I’m also making the assumption that the women I refer to are your average beauties, and not women with supermodel good looks who would turn heads even if they covered their hair with a Hefty garbage bag.
Additionally, in discussing how hair covering costs create a disparity in the outward appearance of women, I’m not going to talk about cheaper alternatives like hats or scarves. While I think that hats, scarves, or other fabric hair coverings can make some women appear quite attractive, the bottom line is that outside of Israel, they aren’t a cultural norm. The standard of beauty and style that many women hold to in America is the western standard where obviously covering all of your hair is not in fashion in the non-Jewish world. Yes, I’m sure we can all find photos of a model posing for a quirky magazine shoot while wearing some type of head covering, but those types of styles would be the exception, not the rule.
Certainly, non-Jewish people who have no familiarity with orthodox Jews don’t associate a woman covering all her hair with being Jewish and married. While in Israel, it’s fully understood that a Jewish scarf/hat wearing woman is indicating she is a married, in the US, non-Jewish people are more likely to see the covering as an indication that the woman is perhaps, Muslim or of some other ethnic persuasion.
But I digress, back to the topic at hand – how expensive sheitels create a disparity in looks among married orthodox Jewish women. Thinking about this topic has reminded me of some painful memories about my own experiences of wig wearing, and my attempts to have the wig look as natural as possible (no, I’m not going debate back and forth the logic of the highest compliment you can pay to a wig wearing woman being – “Your wig looks so natural, I had to look twice to make sure it wasn’t actually your own hair!”). Perhaps the 2 anecdotes below can help illustrate how our appearance after marriage will be largely dependent upon the quality of hair we can afford to buy.
The first anecdote is from my own life. Years ago, I was a struggling working mom. I had one cheap human hair sheitel (shoulder length, a processed brown color, prone to frizziness, and with no skin part) and one synthetic Paula Young band fall to wear on weekends with hats. I couldn’t afford anything more, and looked on with admiration and envy as women around me bought expensive European custom wigs.
The ban on Indian hair wigs was probably the worst thing that could have happened to orthodox married women in terms of creating an imbalance in looks between the rich and the poor.
European wigs completely changed the wig-wearing landscape for Jewish women. Some might say it’s been for the better, because never before have such high quality and high priced wigs graced the heads of Jewish women. However, for those women who can’t afford such luxury (which by now, has become a necessity), these wigs have driven a larger wedge between the haves and have-nots. When we were all wearing slightly straw-like Indian hair wigs, that stood away from our own hairlines by about an inch and didn’t move in the wind, we were all on a more even playing field.
Anyhow, many years ago I had worn my Indian hair wig to death. Literally, it died on my head in a tangled clump that looked like I had scoured the I-94 for road kill, plopped it on my head, and given it a little shpritz of hair spray for good measure. That’s what happens when you wear a $200 wig that’s meant to last 6-12 months for 2 years straight with no second wig to switch off from time to time.
The problem was, my wig died in between paychecks, and also on the weekend of the wedding of a non-frum relative who didn’t take kindly to any appearance that was too, well, frum. As I couldn’t even begin to run a comb through the rat’s nest that had been my wig, all I had left was my Paula Young synthetic fall. I was mortified to be going to this wedding in a hat. I was the only hair covering woman there, and I really didn’t want to stand out.
Yes, yes! I know! You will say, “Sharon, you should have been proud of your stance! You were the only woman there following halacha! You should have worn your hat proudly, after all, the Lubavitcher rebbe said that women should not be afraid to go against societal norms and cover their hair!” Yeah, but the Lubavitcher rebbe also advocated doing do by wearing beautiful wigs indiscernible to the human eye.
I’m just going to say that I didn’t feel my best at that wedding, and the whole story of how I had to scramble to pick up another cheapie wig (I think it was from China this time, because none of the sheitel machers sold the cheaper Indian hair wigs anymore – and indeed – most wig sellers today either sell high end European hair, a bit lower end South American hair, or synthetics – there is very little in between), but suffice it to say it was a mad scramble to pick up another halfway decent wig to wear to work on that upcoming Monday.
Now, I’m going to juxtapose that story with another story. It’s a stranger’s story, and one that angered me when I first heard it, but now I’m rethinking that position. Actually, it’s not much of a story, and happens quite often in Lubavitch communities. I received a missive from the local Chabad not long ago about a fundraising campaign to raise a few thousand dollars for a newly engaged kallah who needed to buy sheitels. I balked at the cost, especially considering my own struggles to buy decent headgear at a bargain price. Why should this young bride own custom wigs right out of the gate that cost more than my own? Hmmmph!
However, I considered my own shame and chagrin during various times in my life where I have felt ugly in my wig or hair covering. I thought about the irony that underneath my wig, I had the equivalent of a European sheitel that would always be out of my price range. I was essentially covering hair that I could never afford to buy with a cheap tangle of discount weave bought on Ebay or from the wholesale section of a local sheitel macher’s basement.
How can I fault a young pretty girl for wanting to stay pretty after she gets married? Especially in a climate where every young bride appears at her sheva brachos looking salon perfect (and yes, sometimes even better than before she entered the chuppah). What is a poor girl to do but beg, borrow, or steal the hair that she must now forever wear?
No girl wants her new husband (or her old one) to compare her looks with those of his friend’s wives and feel disappointed. Hair really does have an enormous impact on a person’s appearance, and money seems to be a deciding factor between who gets to look beautiful and who gets to look, meh.
Unless there is some influential rebbetzin who can speak out against the high cost of wigs the way the Gerrer rebbe is rumored to have spoken out against the rising cost of spodiks (he warned that if the price of those tall fur hats becomes too high, he would order his chassidim to stop wearing spodiks), I don’t see the price of luxurious sheitels changing anytime soon.
