Coincidentally, this Shabbos my son was talking about a lesson he learned in yeshiva this week about how you are what you wear. If you dress to reflect a certain persona, people will see you as that persona, and you will become that persona. I say coincidentally, because I wrote about this topic a few days ago.
He used the example of giving a poor man dressed in rags a nice suit, and how the new clothes will boost his self-esteem and make him feel like million bucks. He mentioned how if a little boy wants to play fireman, all he needs is that fireman’s hat and he becomes a fireman.
My son’s rebbe also spoke about the impact clothing can make on concentration during davening (which was perhaps the real focus of the mussar shiur!). If a young man comes to morning prayers in beachwear, he isn’t going to have the same attitude and kavana as he would dressed in a button down shirt and slacks. His tank top and shorts would put him in too casual a mindset to focus on prayers.
I do understand that how we dress affects how we comport ourselves and how others perceive us. To use the same example of beachwear, one wouldn’t go for a meeting with the President at the White House Oval Office in flip flops, a speedo, and smeared head to toe in sunscreen.
At the same time, what about the concept of a wolf in sheep’s clothing? For example, one of the frightening truths about pedophiles is that they blend in very well to their community and surroundings. They dress and look as if they belong. Parents feel safe having them around their families because these perpetrators fit in with their outward idea of a responsible and stable adult. Similarly, the stereotype of the rapist jumping out the bushes, perhaps covered in tattoos and piercings and wielding a weapon, is also usually false. The majority of sexual assaults happen between the victim and someone they know and trust.
For me, the problem lies in the extremes to which we put stock in our outer appearance. There is no question that I feel more “dressed to impress” when I’m dressed for a simcha than when I’m dressed for the gym. However, can a person truly tell whether or not I am cruel or kind if I am wearing a designer dress and heels rather than a ratty old sweatshirt and smelly sneakers? If I am an inherently mean person, will dressing well make me more humane, or will it only serve to make me even haughtier?
Many years ago I had an experience that left an impression upon me. I participated in the tahara (preparing the dead for burial) of an older woman. Other than her relative age, I had no other clues about who she was. She might have been rich or poor, but there was no designer gown or plain dress to give away her status. There were no jewels, real or fake, to clue me in on her economic standing. She wasn’t wearing a wig, scarf, or hat to let me know if she wore costly or cheap headgear, what her hashkafic viewpoint was, or whether she had covered her hair at all. She was buried in the same plain white cotton shroud that all dead Jewish women wear.
When we die, we take none of the material items of this world with us. We meet our maker in spirit and not in body. The only things we take with us are the deeds we have done or not done. I think that the way we dress as we leave Olam Hazeh (this world) is a lesson in how much emphasis to place on our earthly costumes. Yes, while we do live in this world, clothing has a certain significance. We learn from the descriptions of the detailed and intricate vestments worn by the Kohan Gadol that clothing can elevate a person into holiness, and through the wearing of such holy garments, miracles can happen.
However, I believe that the lack of such vestments upon the death of every Jew indicates that in the end, such elevation in holiness comes from within, and not from without. The challenge of this world is to see the miracle of every person’s soul – whether their outer packaging is beautiful or repulsive, elegant or unrefined. While Hashem can see what lies within the heart of every person, it is our own challenge to look beyond a person’s outer self and see their inner truth. How much more of a challenge to create that inner and outer synthesis for ourselves?
