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It is with a glad heart that I received word of a new psak exempting women aged 45 and older from the laws of tznius!
As I look forward to my approaching 45th birthday, I can now also happily anticipate the freedom of relaxed rules of modesty. I’m glad the gedolim finally realized that men don’t give a fig about seeing the upper arms of a middle-aged matron, nor do they swoon at the sight of varicose veined upper thighs (except out of horror).
Of course, this change of standards will bring a different look and feel to our communities. For example, Bais Yaakov classrooms will still be filled with modestly uniformed girls with their hair neatly pulled back into place. However, at the helm of these classrooms might be BY alumni sporting a long gray braid, low rider jeans, and Doc Marten combat boots.
Weddings will also look different, as the younger female crowd will still adhere to wearing b’tznius gowns and sticking to their side of the mechitza. However, the older women will be able to experiment with every type of fashion option. Plunging necklines and spaghetti straps will abound for the older set, as gravity naturally eliminates any hint of cleavage (which begins somewhere around navel level for us golden girls). Mini dresses and bare legs will also be a fashion trend, as sagging skin makes it impossible to decipher whether or not we are wearing stockings.
Simcha dancing will also have a different tone as grandmothers, mothers, and assorted older female relatives and friends can now join the men’s side. Men and women will both need to brush up on dancing skills beyond the circle dance, the choo-choo train shuffle, and the arm clasp ring. Mixed dancing will be a novel change – with handsome young men paired with buxom older dames dancing the night away.
Those women who object to being put out to pasture during what they consider to be their prime can obtain an “exemption from the exemption.” All they need to do is go to a beis din with 3 male witnesses who can attest to the fact that the woman in question can still distract them from thoughts of Torah. If the men would still refuse to sit next to her on public transportation, she will be issued a card affirming her lingering sex appeal. As such, she will still be required to continue adhering to the ever evolving laws of tznius until the card’s expiration date, at which time she will be required to appear before the beis din to determine her renewal status.
Looking forward to seeing you all on the other side of the mechitza in January!
