The virtue of remaining silent in the face of injustice, or even criminal activity, certainly isn’t restricted to the orthodox Jewish community. However, along with other insular societies, frum society values silence as being an essential component of communal loyalty.
Last week, I started a petition asking El Al Airlines to stop allowing and contributing to women (and men) being pressured into switching seats to accommodate same sex seating preferences. I made suggestions for how both religious rights and civil rights could be equally respected in terms of seating configuration. The petition got more attention than I could have ever anticipated, with both positive and negative results.
On the one hand, many people agreed and shared their stories about feeling unfairly coerced into switching seats to accommodate another passenger’s religious needs. This left them with a negative impression of the airline and ultra orthodox Jews in general. Many agreed that allowing passengers to pre-book flights with religious seating preferences in mind would resolve the issue. On the other hand, folks with prejudice against Jews in general, jumped on the El Al issue as yet another avenue to display their anti-Semitism.
While I’ve received support and positive comments for voicing my opinion, I’ve also received feedback that I’m airing the Jewish community’s dirty laundry to a non-Jewish public, engaging in haredi bashing, and generally doing a disservice to the overall image of the Jewish people (and right before Aseres Yemei Teshuvah!).
Additionally, I’ve received remarks by some men I know (who have shared their opinions on a wide variety of topics over the years, I might add) that I have no reason to take a stand on this matter, as I was not directly affected by the recent El Al hullabaloo. My husband was told by a concerned citizen that I obviously have “too much time on my hands.” I’m beginning to feel like we are a Jewish version of Lucy and Ricky Ricardo, with my husband never knowing what mess I’m going to get him into this time!
All of this feedback on the merit of keeping quiet got me thinking about other times Jews have gotten reamed for speaking out about much more important and dangerous subjects. For example, who can forget last year’s Rosh Hashanah, when Nechemya Weberman’s victim was shamed out of the shul her family had prayed at for over a decade, when a man yelled, “Moser (informer), out of the shul!”?
Just as I was remembering this incident, an article came out erev Yom Kippur, in which a prominent Australian rebbetzin called abuse advocate and victim Manny Waks, “a lowlife,” for blaming the yeshiva where his abuse, and that of many others, took place:
“Get over it! You need counselling! I haven’t met a person yet with one nice word to say about you. Most people consider you a lowlife- not because of any molestation, which wasn’t your fault, but because of your malicious blame game which is unjust, unwarranted, undeserved and wicked. The person you hurt most by that is yourself and your own psyche and spiritual and emotional wellbeing. I realise you may go on hate campaign against me now, but like yourself, I have no fear in saying it as it is when I feel passionate about something.”
The logic that engaging in a “blame game” is more wicked than abusing children, or creating an environment where abuse is allowed to take place and be covered up, is a perfect example of the twisted logic that exists in some segments of our society. As long as speaking out remains a worse crime than the crime itself, is there any hope for positive change in the future?
