When orthodox Jewish abuse cases first started appearing in the news, they invariably involved grown men abusing boys ranging from pre-pubescent children to teenagers. To read the growing collection of abuse stories, one would think that there was an unusual prevalence of homosexual proclivity among Jewish molesters.
Judging from media reports, statistically it seemed that frum men who were prone to committing sexual assaults were exclusively closeted homosexuals and pedophiles. This might be why there is the misconception among some members of the orthodox Jewish community that pedophilia and homosexuality are linked traits. Indeed, an unfortunate Op-Ed piece printed this January in the Yeshiva World and 5Towns Jewish Times entitled, “We Are Under Attack by the LGBTPed Community” emphasized this (faulty) connection.
In recent times, several high profile abuse cases have come to light involving female victims. Nechemya Weberman, sentenced to 50 years in prison for molesting a young girl he was counselling, is one such case. Dovid Weinberger, who agreed to step down from his pulpit in the face of accusations that he seduced women coming to him for counseling, is another example. As more female victims come forward, there has been growing number of other accusations of abuse against girls and women appearing in the news.
The latest scandal concerning Elimelech Meisels, accused of sexual improprieties in his role of headmaster of four seminaries, sheds the most light on the why we might not have heard much about sexual assault cases against girls and women until recently. Several families are suing Meisels to recoup pre-paid tuition dollars after deciding to abide by the ruling of a Chicago Beis Din that the seminaries are not safe, despite Meisels stepping down as owner and operator.
The accusations laid out in the lawsuit spell out quite clearly that one of the methods of coercion used by Meisels to silence his victims was that if they reported him, he would tarnish their reputations and ruin their chances for marriage. Meaning, he would paint them as promiscuous girls and indicate that they were no longer virgins to potential matchmakers and suitors.
In the 21st century, virginity is no longer a prized possession in general society. One can argue if devaluation of chastity is a good or a bad thing. However, one can’t deny that in societies that do value chastity, it’s usually only valued for a woman. Although a broken hymen is not necessarily an indication of lost virtue (many women enjoy occasional bouts of vigorous horseback riding), varying monetary value is still given to a bride who has a whole one (besulah) and a bride whose hymen is but a distant memory. Holding citizenship in the state of Virginia is still a highly prized status for orthodox Jewish brides.
To protect a non-Virginian woman’s dignity, I believe that the word “besulah” is read from the ketubah during the chuppah, even if the word is not actually present within the document. Of course, there is no such label, distinction, or announcement of a groom’s Virginian citizenship. Perhaps because there is no way to physically prove a man’s chastity, unlike a woman’s safety seal of approval?
My suspicion is that there have been many more cases of sexual assault and abuse against girls and women in the orthodox community than have been reported. I would venture a guess that, overall, many more females have been raped than males. However, the stigma of rape for a young woman has much more dire consequences than for a young man in frum society. If a young marriageable age woman is known not to be a besulah, it is a grave liability in the shidduch market.
If a married woman is raped, in some ways, the consequences are even more severe. If she reports a rape and has the accusation turned around on her by implying the act was consensual, than she is guilty of adultery and her husband is required to divorce her. We only have to look at the Weberman case to see how the community can turn on a victim accusing a beloved member of the clergy. These displays of support for the abuser do not go unnoticed by victims considering whether to report such crimes.
As long as there are people who will attempt to discredit victims in the name of saving the reputation of the community and maintaining the pious images of men who haven’t earned their reputations, abuse will continue to go unreported or underreported. As long as we equate rape with consensual sexual activity, victims will continue to be branded as “used goods” unsuitable for marriage. As long as we continue the antiquated double standard that a woman’s virginity or chastity is worth more than a man’s, we will continue to have women who are too afraid to destroy their lives and reputations to report abuse.
